And a hell of a year it's been.
As I look back on the past year, a few things that I expected to accomplish have yet to happen. A few things that I didn't expect to achieve have come to pass. The events of this year were all necessary in order for me to get where I'm going.
This year was about getting my head on straight. Alone. Getting into the grit of Anna, scooping out a handful, slinging it against a wall, and observing what the splatter looked like. Nashville was the wall. At first, everything just looked like a mess. "It's just splatter!" , I cried in despair... "There's no picture here! How could I possibly make a work of art out of this? I'd be lucky to make a decent finger-painting out of it..."
So, I sat down on the floor and stared at the wall. For about Six months. Then I began to notice a silhouette forming. I thought I saw a guitar in there somewhere...
After a while, the windows broke out, but it was for the better - because I could hear little birds outside. Most of the time, they were just making racket, but every once in a while, I would hear a melody. I saved the melodies for later.
Soon, the birds ventured into the room and perched next to me. Soon, I had friends coming and going, and music was happening again. I had saved all of the melodies and thoughts I had shared with the birds, and now it was time to use them. I asked the birds to look for colors outside, but they wouldn't look for me. They just flew back and forth outside the window, making racket again. Finally, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I climbed out of the broken window, and outside I found such a wondrous place!
I found all kinds of colors to use on the wall...red in the dirt from the ground, green in the lush surroundings, blue and black in the berries that bordered the yard...even better than the colors though, were the sounds! There were all kinds of strange animals roaming about, and they each seemed to have their own voice. It was a beautiful thing. There were other people too! I talked with a few of them, and we pondered the workings of life together. I listened to their stories and shared my own.
After a bit, I grew tired of all the excitement, and my thoughts as well as my feet wandered back towards the painting. I took all that I had gathered and climbed back into my room through the window. I sat with everything around me, glad that I had stopped, let time pass, and allowed the universe to work.
Slowly, I began to add color and texture to the painting on the wall...it began to come alive! I found chord shapes splattered on the wall...did I invent them? Or were they there all along? It didn't matter - I could see them now. I could see the shape of a guitar...I painted it brown and spruce to look like mine. I made one big blob into the shape of a keyboard, and a long line turned itself into a microphone stand.
I had made from the grit of myself, a portrait.
It was colored with all of the things I had come across outside, but underneath it all was that brown splatter I had started with long before. Without it, the colors wouldn't stick, and the whole thing wold melt off of the wall.
I sat back, amazed at the progress I had made. The portrait wasn't finished yet, but I could see that it was well on its way to being complete.
Isn't it crazy what can happen in one year?
You can't make a decent painting without learning about color.
You can't write a good novel without learning sentence structure, developing your vocabulary, and writing a few short stories first.
I couldn't make great music without re-aligning myself to be a student of music and the human experience, and gaining a bit of discipline.
I am learning how to learn, learning how to fail, and learning how to smile all the while. I have grown so much in the past year, and have gained character, experience, and gratitude above all.
I am standing with one foot on the life I used to live, and one foot on the life I will be living soon.
Can't wait to see what happens this year...
AM
